Bleed It Out
by bambi666
Summary: Romance! Drama! Love! Betrayal! Bella and Edward seem to have a happy home life, but could all that change when a new rival comes to win Bella's affections. He's obsessed and he'll stop at nothing!
1. Fish Outta H20

Disclamer: Edward Cullen, bella, jakob, renesme and sum of de oter characters belong to da genus that is STEPHANIE MEYER!!!!!!!! unfortunatley. Ea is ares.

A/N: I'm written this wit my BFF, amethyst, who doesn't have here own internet, so she dosen't have an account hear. shes my beta (and I'm her alfa0 thanx babe, coudnt of done it with'out U.) We trade off writing evry other pare graph.

**Chapter 1: Fish outta Water**

Hi, Im Ea Enki Eeloway, but evry1 calls me Ea. I moved to forks Washington last year cuz I visited once 17 years ago and loved it, so I came back.

I have long blond hair and broud shoulders. I'v got totally awesum pecks & abs 'cuz I work out evry day. My eyes are different collored, one green like the see before a storm, the other grey like the see after the storm, my lashes R long and thic like seaweed tossed up on the bank. (Forshadowment)

I have deep-dark secret that I never told any1 b4. I'm in luv with another man's wife. Her name is Bella which means beauty, her looks hve got no parallel (gettit? its from a song). Everytime I sea her, my stomac flutters, but my heart aches. She's like candy that I can not have. My exgirlfriend, Victoria, dumped me cuz she got jelous. She's so mena. She's still all hung up over sum stupid james guy, anyway.

I want to run up her, tell her how I feel, promise that I'd be a better dad for her daughter than that overbearning shovenistic (sp? coludn't find in dictionary) hubby of hers. Oh, ya! Shes got a daughter. Her names Renesmee and she's cute. Gosh, moms are so hot!

I became a swim instructer to teach Renesme to swim so I coud have an excuse to talk to Bella. I come from a long line of good swimmers (wink). Today, I get to tak to Bella again, because Renesme is failing the class. She just bobs on the water like a dead deceased corpse, but never gose under. Just lick a vampire that can't cross moving water. She can do alright alone, but when he others are in the water splashing, she just flotes.

I went to my office nest to the pool. Bella had agreed to meet me in my office but wen I opined the door it was not she but her husband that stood infront of the my desk.

"Hello." He said as he turend wen I entered.

My hearot sank. What was her evil overbearing shovanistic huzband doing cuming to a parent teacher conference? Jackasses don't care about their children. He must already suspect me!

"You must be Coach Eeloway." He smiled scathinly.

I put on my best fake smile an said, "Yes, tha'ts me. I need to talk to your-" I almsot said your wife, but cought myself in time "- face about Renesme."

Edward pawned and looked at me funnly, "That's why I'm here, isn't it?"

"Oh, yar. Um… your daghter dosent' swim. She just flotes and looks like a dead body. She's okey when she alone in the pool, though her form cold improve. But whenever the other studens are in the watter, she cant do anything."

"I don't appreciate you comparing my daughter to a dead body," he said colly while foldin his arms and planting his feat firmly. He had a pint, but she looked like a corpes.

"I'm sorry," I said, mustarding all the faek remoarse I coud. "At this rate, shell fail the clas and wont get teh PE credit she nees to graduate on tiem. I know he can do it. I think she's jus sheye. Maybe if her mother broght her over to the pool after haurs, she could improv eenough to swim for the finel exam."

"You give exams for swimming?"

"We need to have final grade for every PE class. I need give a final or I get fired."

"Okay. I'll see about getting her here. I don't want my wife and daughter out so late alone, but I can take her." Dam! He must bee onta me! Wel, I have more triks up my sleave.

A/N: Hou is it? Is it good? Let me know how we'r doing.


	2. Xxtra credit card

Disclaimer: Edward, renesmee, adn Bella are not ares.

A/N: fredsflyingfish: Get over you self you stupid flammer! I don't have to put up with you're phlegm. You got so repoed for harries mint. Stupid elitist snobe!

Chrestomanci: Thanx for the awesome rev! You roq my sox!

**Chapter 2: Xtra Credit card**

My plan was foiled and now Ill be seaing more of Edgar that iritating bat boy! (another illusion). He's reely gross. What dose Bella sea in him anyway? Oh wel, I gotta look on the brite side. At least I can see more of he daughter in a swim suite, she loks adorable, like a litle buny. Alas, her form wille improve, and Bella wille like me.

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Bella passed her swim finel! I mean Renesmee pased her swim finel! Bella came to pick her daughter up from the final. She hugged her and her white blause was soaked with water grom her daughters wet suit gifting me with a glimps of her pink silk bra. Moms are so hot!

It wroked! Bella was so proud of me. She thnaked me and invited me to diner with her flamlily (i mey hav sagested it to Renesme, can U blam me?). I cant wate! I have to impresse her. Maybe I shoud rent a tuxedoe! No I'll buy her neclacé. Oh wate, wold hat be to much to giv her infront of er huband! Nah it'll bea okey.

I want to a jewlery stroe in the mall. It took along time to fined the write neclagé. Fist, they hade a problms wit the displey case. I wos loking all the jewelrys, and teh glase wuz all harde to see fru. It wos like it foged upor smething. The ladie told me to stand bak. She wus so roude. Magickally, after I stud up, the glase unfoged. The ladie seamed to think it was my breathe that did it. Stupid rich stuck up snob!

I fount the prefect neclisé . It is a beuatiful chain of bairded sliver. I think its lont enuf to go rite to her cleevige. The pedant is ruby to mach her red eyes. It's the shaip of a heart wif a sliver cross onit. Tho, I dont no if shes' X-tian, ib et she is. Sum1 good like her must be Chrstian.

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I showed up at her hause an our earl to look goode. Girlz like a guy whose puntual. I had the neclisé in a box in mi haND. I wring the doorbell. Rober- I mean Edmund ansewered. He locked me queschoningly. "Hello," he sade, "We weren't expecting you so early. Well, come on in and make yourself at home." H'es so onta me! He noes I want trhis to B my home! Den he wnet into tha kichen and I heared him say "Bella, honey, that Ea guy's here, early."

"Nao?" I heard her lirycle voice drift to me form da kitchen as if on a soft seebreeze. "Its so early, I haven't even finished coking."

Ah, sh hadn't evon finished dinner yet. And she was impressed by my punchuality. Belle, my luv, I promice I will save yu form dat vile husband of you'res. 1 day you wille be nime.

She strolled out of teh kitchen, whipping her hands of on a diss towel. "Hellow." She smelled brightly. "Tank you for helping our deer Renesmee pass yer class."

Her smile was inchanting and I was prowerless under her spill. "Just doin my jobe." I replied. Then, holding out the box I said, "Dis is 4 u."

"Oh…" She took the offered box and looked at it curiously. She was intrigued by me gift, she was so into me! Score! "Thank… you…? You brote me a gift. You didn't have to do that. Really, shouldn't hav."

"Open it oop." I told her.

She took out the negligé. She loked shacked. "Really, you shouldn't have…"

He modeisty was so sweet. The more I spoke to her the more I luved her. She was me Venus, my Aphrodisica, me Calypso, me goddess of love. She was practically perfet in every way. Now if I could jut get rid of er husband! Den she would be mine! And no 1 else's!!!

She replaced the negligé in its box. My clever little minx, of course she couldnt were infront of her husband. He mite already suspected our relationshp but if he saw the gift he would defiantly no and them wed both be in trouble. My love was as smart as she was bootyful. My art over flowed with affliction for her.

…

AN: Review plez! Or well stop riting it!!!!!


	3. Down were its wetter

Chapter 3: Darling Its better Down were it's Wetter

A/N: Evry1 needz 2 stope flaming me!!!! Wut did I evar du 2 u? I don't need 2 put up wit you're phlem! If u don't like my story den ucan GTFO, betches!!! And who is Tara? Cant u ppl reed!!1?! I'm EMILY and my friend it AMETHYST and Ea doesn't have a slave, that's illeagle. I meant sleave. Xtra thanx to my wonderfully boyfriend who helped wit this chapter!

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Diner went well last weak. Bella is an amusing cook!!! Her food was seditious. So now that I'm not Renemsee's inductor I can hung out at her home as a fiend. Other wise it wood be expropriate. I'm surprised! Edward seams to rally like me! Evry time I come over, he alwys hangs our with me. He nevr levees my side. I think he's my knew BFF. I still devise his guts. But if I can be fiends with him, then I can hung out at there house moor.

So toady were at tha mall. Its almost X-mas nd were buying gifs. Eddy (I call him that know), keeps bringing me whiff him ^& akin me s abbot what his cousin will like or something. Ho should I know? It's vexatious, butt I grotto fake bean his fiend, so I self-sacrifice.

At some poet in thyme, Ea sunk of on he's own. He 1st got gifs for Edwad & Renesnee. For Ed, he perchance d a bottle of sunless tanning crème. For Renesmee, he got a color of nail Polish he taught shed like and a book called "The Host" by this awesome riter, Stephanie Meyer. He went to a lingering store 4 Bells pretense. He got her a black silken nighty. He also gave her a fish he cot and stuffed himself on a plack as her fake-out gif. He couldn't putt his name on the reel gif, cuz Eddy mite see. So he leaves the nighty unanimous and gave her a dud fish with his name on it.

Edwrd sad he liked the tannin cream, but he ne'er seamed to use it. Renemsee wore the blood red mail polish he got her around the clock and she LuuuuuuuuuVed the book. It was her precious!!!!! She read it 10 times!!!!!!!!!1 Unsuccessfully, Bella fought de nitey was form Edward. The fish was okey tho. She liked it so much, she hung it in her bedroom……………..… closet. But she just tolled Ea she lubed his gif and it was soften seen in they're bedroom. He amused she mennt the nightie.

Ea had got teh Sam ting from all Cullens. It was a bookie on equitette. Huh. Accordion too Ea, Edwrd kneaded this book more then any other parson. Every time Ea ask Bells a ? Ed interrupted an applied. RUuuuude. Renemsee also gave him a comb with shells onit. She tolled him to used it when in gong in public. I dunno hwat she means by that.

THey all spent X-mass on da beech. Edwads hole familiarly was their. Edwards bother Jasper was there, too. He seemed too want to talk to Ea inevitable and fallow her around. He axed all kind of ?s about how Ea new the Cullens, and how they became fronds & stuff. _I think he knows about my luv for Bella. I hope__ he doesn't' tell Eddy. I don't need my bff known that I got a crunch on his wife. I don't know how he nose, tough. I'ts almost like he can read my feelings or some tin,_ Though Ea

Ea went in the H2O to excape the 3rd degree,. It wuz disarmingly worm (tee-hee). It's cus Ea has a spatial power to warm water or make it colder. No1 else wood go into de sea (y'know, cause it was winter). Finale, Ea pervaded Renmensee to shower off what she leaned in his class. She got in the water and swam around for a wile. She kelp swimming close to Ea. Every time he commemorated the grill for her effort, she bluish. _Oh! Know!!_ Ea taught, _"She has a crash on me! Grosse! She'd only 16!"_ Ea loved her mum and kinda locked art Remesnee as a dotter. The brainstorm that she licked him made him puke!

He quickly got out of the water to get way. It turned very cold a gain. Her nipples gut hard. Renesme l8r got sick with numonias and almost died! But it was Lucy that Ea was they're 'cause he safe her by hold in her ina way a dad would and turned the water around her warm again. So she was ok.

Bella was so grate full 2 Ea 4 saving he daughter that she hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheak. After that, Ea was like a port of teh family. Edward asked Ea how e was able 2 do turn that trick with the water.

"O, its cause Im a merman." He replied, smelling.

Evry1s jaw drooped in shack.

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AN: U dam snobs! Y cant u jst enjoy da story 4 wet it iz? Stops being so meen 2 me and me friends!

Phoenixangelgal: GTFO if u don lick it! No 1 maid u reed it. If u dint lick it y keep reading? Betch.

.fish: get over ur self. U dont even have a story. Beech.

Ur all fucking snubs and n00bs!

Chrestomanci: I luv u girl.


	4. Emily Sux

Ch 4 Emily Sux aka A New Dictation

A/N: Amethyst here. I'm taking over this fic (seriously Em, you need to think for a new password)! Em's a jerk. Get this: her boyfriend called me fat, and instead of breaking up with him, or hitting him, (it's ok for a girl to hit a boy cause most girls are weaker, nyway) she acquiessed!. Things are going to be divergent round hear. For one, I won't just _say_ my best friend corrected it and then only fixing a couple things. Oh and Ea's not a Gary-Stu 'cause he'd need to be prefect and Ea has one glaring flow: he's the dimmest candle on the menorah. Just. Like. Emily.

Jacob rules! Edward SUX! (tee hee)

PS I like the letter G

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O glorious day! Ea fantasized about this proceeding for months. It finally happenstance. Prefect little Edward cheated on Bella! With a **man**! Turns out he's gay! That's why he's so regulating and perjury! He was going underground in his duplicate life. There's nothing wrong with being heterosexual, usually, just so long as you're not also clinging to a straight paramour and go misrepresenting about it.

Bella came to Ea bleating over his grotesque, graceless indemnity. _I should be gladdened and chorusing by this news_ he pondered. _But I'm not. I guess I glossed offer Bella's grief in my revere_. And he did because he's a selfish, creepy brassard. So here he had it, his perfect day ruined by his greasy slimeball-ness.

Anyway, yeah, so Edward really does suck! (you know what I'm talking around). It was a great and terrible scene to be seen when Renesmee of all people walked in on her dad naked, in bed with an other man. She up-chucked all over them. It was exponentially gross.

Ea kissed Bella passionately. She threw up and a ghost came out of her mouth. "You're disgusting and I hate you and I never wanna see you a gain," she told 'im.

Ea looked dumb floundered. He walked out the window of a 99-story window and fell till he was dead. Then Bella married Jacob and she and Renesmee and her new wife lived happily ever after.

Bella woke up singly in her empty bed because Edward had to sleep on the coach, from the happiest dream she had had since finding out about her husband cheating. Already, it was fading through her gaze. She could barely remember anything, Only that Ea committed homicide and she married Jacob. That would be simpatico. _At least I don't have that problem_ she thought, _Ea doesn't rely love me. Thank G-d)_.

Upcoming that day, she was at Ea's apartment grueling to find some soothe. "I don't even get how this could happen!" she growled to Ea.

Be four she couldn't finish her theory, Ea spoke up "Oh that's easy, guys do it in the butt."

Bella looked at him like derision. "I know that! I mean, how could he have cheated on me! He said he loved me! I was so definite he did! I mean- ugh" she led out an imitated gravel.

"Well it's obvious he didn't. He lied. But he can be very conniving sew don't go blaming thyself for getting trapped for it." As Bella was balling on his shoulder, Ea kissed the top of her head. Too bad for Ea, he wasn't gonna get the girl that gadabout. "What did you just do?" she grilled him, looking eyes with him occupationally.

"Uh…" Ea was at a loss for words because his tiny brain couldn't comp rend why she asked. His "goddess" must be smart enough to know what a kiss is. He also flailed to grasp that she wasn't way too much passionate for him like he thought he was with her, when he really just thought she was hot. Instead he kissed her on the lips because that's all ways a god move when a person sounds galled. Her jaw drooped and she baked away. Then she tossed her cookies momentarily in her mouth.

With a hornet-struck lock on her face she asked him "Why would you ever kiss me, you existential flake of earth?! You didn't think I licked you, did you?" She glared at him geovially.

"But, but, but, I love thou!" he tolled her.

"What? How long has this been going on?" she asked.

"I have always loved thou since I first saw thy boobs," Ea ejaculated before thinking about his word choice of words. "It was only a matter of thyme before thou realized what a jerk-off Edward is!" She said nothing. "Thou, my love, are why I started tacking swimming. Why I became human!"

Bella feinted. When she arose, Jacob stood over her with a look of enterprise on his face. He had broken into Ea's house because Ea ran fugitive when she fell over imaging he killed her and he didn't want to go to jail. "You'll be okay, Isabella. I can take car of you now. The blockhead is gone." Bella glowered at this and fell into a happy sleep.

A/N: Spelling's better, huh? I know, because I'm smarter than Emily and I can use spell check.


	5. Fixin' Amyth's Mistakes!

Disclamer: OMD! Dat BETCH!1111111111 Amathyst u hor!111111 Hau cood u du dat 2 my b-loved Edward!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!111111//1/1/1/1/1/1/1/1 I h8 u u betch n dim hippie my BF culled u a fat supit caw!!!111111

A/N: U supit phlemmers!11 Stoop phlemmin!1 I h8 al ur stupit phlem. Az if ur phlem wusnt bar enuff I nao ave to fix amathyst's fuckin mystakes.

Bleed It Out

Chapter 4-2: fixin amythists' MYSTAKES!1

I asked my frend Liht to cum and visit me in Frocks. I met him once when I traversed two Japan and weave bin fiends ever since. He is a fujetive, i.e. he as a bunch of peps after him so I told him I wood hyde him for AWOL.

I told him a boat my love for Bells nd hau Edwad ad berayed er. He tolled me we should riht Ed's namo in his majic book. That way, went Bella cums to me cryin I can comforter her thouh err loss. Butt, no matter how many times we rote his appelation he just woodnt die!

Finely we ave up and went over 2 there house. I wanted 2 intrude Lite to tha rest of 'em ad sea if wee cood fend a way to revenje Bells and da way Edmund ad urt er. They all licked him and thouht it was kawaii (Japanese 4 "cool"). Bella was empress that I had so many diverted f reins and had been 2 sue many exodus spaces. She smelled at me forlornly, I cood tell dat she waz fihtin to ceep form cryin.

Renesmee assed if I swam 2 Nihon or if I flu in a plain. I told her cos I was a mermaid-man I didn't kneed to fly anywhere I could just swim their. She sat down wit me and I tode her all abbot me travelers and she told me all abbot her family. I was surpassed to lean that her dad was a vampire (I juess tats way Liht's majic book didn't work). That wood explain why he's was so pail and if es anytin lick Lestat dat wood explen y he waz homo.

Edward induced Lite and me to a wherewolf culled Jacob. E was a fuckin faj, I cood tell jst bye lookin at im, very intersected to here about my bein a mermaid-man and wanted to here all a bout my ventures at see. I told him all a boot they saylors I had met and the pirates I had fouht. I recountered the tail of the time Will Turner full madely in love with me butt I had to broke is heart because I just didnt swim that way. Jakob seemed sed 2 lern dat I waznt uy. I new he a faj!

Looke like Edwrd cheated with JACOB. What fajjotry is dat!? Ea always new dat Edmund was a duchbag but he never imaged hymn being a fojjoty duch! It must ave all ben dat dam Jakobe, he's da faj dat maid Ed gay! I shood thanx hymn , if it weren't 4 his interventions I never wood have ben Able 2 comfort my Belle.

She crowed on me shoulder 4 a wile. I stroked er heir and wished her soothing words. Finely she pulled away and sayed dat I was a god friend and she was happy that I was their 4 her. It was den that I resolute to do something aboot Ed 4 her. Something 2 take her pane away.

I waled write up 2 Edward and sayed as clear as I cood: "I don' belive in fairyies." And he dropped down dead. Then I turned to Jakob and sayed: "I don't belive in fajjots." And he dies 2.

I was now Bell's campion. I have defended her honro against both da men that had hurt her and I had one. Now she coodnt help but love me and only me.

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A/N: Ha! Wut ya think of dat, Amythist!? I killed ur lovely Jacob! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! And be4 u say "well u killed Edward 2" let me just say dat I plan 2 bring him back to life! So their!


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